Every family is different – different in how they spend money, how much money they make, and their comfort level with discussing money.
A friend of mine recently got married and they still keep everything separate, with one in charge of utilities and another the mortgage, etc. They are thinking of combining finances, but just aren’t sure what the best method is for them.
How do you determine what you are most comfortable with? Start by asking yourself 5 questions:
- Do I feel like I need to be in control of the money I have? Why?
- Does combing our funds make me feel like I’ve lost control of our money? Why?
- What are my partner’s views on money and how it should be used?
- Does either of us budget on a high level how much we should save and do we each stick to those goals?
- How comfortable am I with my partner’s spending patterns?
Money is really about security and/or freedom to do what you want.
It is always a good time to ask yourself what the best set up is for you both when it comes to money. Knowing how you feel about money will help reduce the friction with your partner.
My husband and I started with entirely separate finances when we first got married – this was most comfortable at the time.
Then, we quickly found value in a joint account where we each contributed the same percentage of our salary with the remainder separate. The joint account was used for joint expenses – rent, groceries, dining out together, utilities, etc. Expenses we clearly shared.
Some individuals feel better with an ‘allowance system’ where each individual receives a set amount of fun money and the remainder goes into joint accounts. This way, if one partner has a habit of spending whatever money is in their account, then they have a smaller amount to work with.
Others are comfortable with combining all funds into joint accounts and going from there.
Money is an ongoing topic in relationships and it is important to start out acknowledging the truth of how you feel about money, how you treat money, and how you can work together to set an optimal method for you both.
Intuitively we think of money as adding and subtracting – logical and known. What we don’t account for are the emotions and stories we each tell ourselves about money based on our past experiences.
If you are nervous about starting these conversations with your partner alone, reach out to us.
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